Challenging our Kids

For the past couple days, I have been commenting a bunch over at Small Ages. Initially it was just about or in reference to The Wiggles, but really the topics behind my opinions are much bigger than one Australian four piece. I now realize that I have not been putting enough of my heart and soul (read: point of view) into the posts you read on Out With The Kids. Oh, it sneaks in every now and again, but I am have much more in my head then finds it way on to the virtual page.

Well, that is about to change - thanks to Clea and the banter over on her site. Here is the first of many opinionated parenting posts (say that ten times real fast!)

______________

How often do you challenge your kids?

How do you mean, you may be thinking.

As expecting parents three years ago my wife and I made a commitment to Parent Differently. Those two words have since become the slogan, if you will, of Out With The Kids. But what, really, does that signify. To us, it represents, in short, a form of parenting that goes far beyond sitting a child down in front of a Barney video, subscribing to the Disney product of the moment trends, and assuming a child cannot eat anything more interesting than chicken fingers. We were determined to do things differently and after more than two and a half years we don't mind tellin' ya, that we are pretty darn pleased with the early results. Most of what we do comes down to a challenge. A challenge for both parent and child. The challenge for us is to not take the easy way out or the well-beaten path, for we do not believe the commonplace or the ordinary offers either party (adult or kid) very much in the way of substance, education, interest, or fun. The challenge for the child is to be spoken to and treated in way that is, we think, refreshing and more mature and return the favor as soon as they are able.

For example, we have and continue to prepare a fairly wide array of foods and beverages for her and the result is that at 2 1/2 she still tries almost everything and likes virtually all that she tries. That has enabled us to, when we dine in, make one family meal and never receive a complaint from her that she doesn't like what we are having or would rather have potato chips or a peanut butter and jelly sandwich as her dinner.

When we dine out, we usually turn away the kiddie menu and head straight for the real "adult" restaurant menu. Nine times out of ten, we do not even order a meal specifically for her, opting to, instead, order several interesting things and share among the three of us. This allows us to give her the same experience in dining that we enjoy and cherish - the ability to extend your culinary comfort zone and experiment with textures and flavors (often regional, seasonal, etc.).

We are not claiming to have never ordered a chicken finger or from the children's menu, but there are far too many interesting things in the world of food for us as parent's not to try ourselves and allow our little ones to taste and, hopefully, enjoy. One thing we never say or do, which I hear far too many parents utter, is "oh, you won't like that" in response to a child's inquiry about a food or experience. By making such a statement you are virtually guarantying that you will be correct. That child will most likely not even attempt to try it now - a self-fulfilling prophecy.

If you are successful in raising a child who is accustomed to sit down dinners of prepared food at home you will most likely be able to take your child to most any restaurant around. There would be no need then to limit your family mealtime outings to the local mall food court or a Ruby Tuesday's type of establishment. This should be considered a good thing!

It may not seem like a big deal, having your child eat a wide array of foods, but I feel it can go a long way when it comes to establishing a world view. Diverse palette, diverse mind...that is what, umm, I always say.

Ok, enough about food. The challenges we speak of go far beyond the dinner table. What about videos? The TV and the DVD player (be it in the home, car, or take-anywhere mobile device) seem to have, over the past decade or so, taken over as the primary parenting tool.

Our girl does watch the occasional video, but instead of it being The Wiggles she enjoys titled such as The Scrambled State of America, The Snowman, Muzzy and random Sesame Street features. The TV is not a regular part of our day at all, her viewing of even those programs averages less than a 1/2 hour a day - most days the box never even comes on in our house. We have observed that the absence of such passive entertainment has resulted in a wealth of imagination in our girl, a love of books - both reading (or pretending to make up a story). The books she likes are often more intricate, lengthy and better written than standard toddler fare. She listens attentively to Mom or Dad weave a tale from scratch. She remembers some of the most bizarre details of these made-up stories and will request them again and again (talk about a challenge - to remember what I came up with on the fly, weeks ago!).

She also has passion for music (singing, dancing, strumming her red wooden ukulele or banging on her tongue drum). We are certain that these two things are connected - the lack of passive TV viewing and the abundance of the creative play. As far as music, as you can tell from the monthly music suggestions posted on OWTK, our girl listens to a diverse mix of adult and kid music - with very little filter or censor. There is very little of what we love, that I would NOT let her listen to. At the same time, we expose her to the artist(s) live, talk to them when we can and discuss them as real people, thus eliminating the potential for idol-worship (Oh Mercy, do I hope so!).

A funny side note. She never really saw a band on the TV or in a video but has seen numerous acts live and some up close. When we bought her the ukulele she immediately knew how to hold it and strum the thing. It was like second nature, even though her parents do not have a musical bone in our bodies. I can only assume that she picked up the process from watching guitarists on stage. She is often gazing intently as if studying what is taking place around her. She must have stored away the general idea behind playing guitar and it came right back to her when we handed her the little instrument.

The point here is that children are capable of loving and understanding way more than most folks seem to give them credit for. In daycare/school, the kids in the toddler (2 1/2 to 4) classroom are not yet learning about the planet Earth, let alone the United States, nor are they learning basic math. For some reason these are saved for the next classroom - when the kids are older. These are two topics we have begun discussing with our child and she has no problem picking up the concept of the stationary sun and the rotating Earth - making it daytime on one side while residents of other countries sleep soundly. She can also pick out dozens of states and the country of France - all because we bought a globe for less than $4 on clearance at Target and a puzzle map of the U.S. and have allowed & encouraged her to ask questions and be interested in these subjects.

Math is also fun for young learners and there is no reason to hold back on the lessons. I started with simple one plus one and two plus two concepts in the car one evening, by holding up two fingers and asking her if she knew what would happen if I added one to the other. She got 1 plus 1 down quickly but struggled after that. It was not until we were at lunch shortly there after and used sugar packets to better illustrate the idea behind addition that she progressed to 1 plus 2, 2 plus 2, etc. She can now get up to 5 + 5 and most every combination up to that.

And while I do think my child is brilliant and special (what proud parent does not feel that way about their youngsters!) I am certain that any 2 1/2 year old has the capacity to absorb, learn, be interested in, and fall in love with the same themes and topics. It is us, as adults, who limit the potential of our impressionable little kids, for everything is new and unique to them which means if presented in a fun and interesting way there are few things that kids will NOT be interested in if only given the opportunity. Our 2 1/2 year old just happens to like crab cakes with remoulade, to "talk about the planet" (to quote her), listen to Josh Ritter, Charlie Parker, Woody Guthrie and the Chitty Chitty Bang Bang soundtrack and see the former perform live, because we have allowed her the chance to do so.

Why not expand the offerings and challenge our kids - it is much more fun for us parents, I can assure you of that. And you will be able to have better and more advanced conversations at the dinner table. All this will certainly better position the children to become more interesting, diverse, and tolerant adults.

Jeff