Tween Dora - More Crap for Our Oversexed Society

'Twas only a matter of time. Eventually the masterminds behind Dora the Explorer would realize that there's even more money to be made if they sex her up, move her to a hipper 'hood and focus her attention on high fashion and accessorizing (you know, the things girls are SUPPOSED to care about the most). Here you see the silhouette of the new Dora, this mysterious big-head-Bratz-esque image is all that's been revealed thus far.
Oh, and the target market for new Dora - girls ages 5 and up! Awesome!

In my wildest dreams, the launch of Tween Dora would cause a seismic shift in the parenting world. We as a nation of smart grown-ups finally become alarmed enough to see the Dora franchise for what it truly is - a big, fat marketing gimmick to rip dollars away from us and homogenize our brilliant, imaginative young people effectively turning them into numb, average adults. In this dream, the Dora machine suffers greatly at this startling parental revelation and Dora's corporate pimps are forced to backtrack, and quickly (think: "New Coke"). The outrage from actively-engaged parents, none of whom want their amazing 5, 6, 7 year old girls to suddenly follow their bi-lingual on-screen adventurous tomboy into an empty world where the mirror is king (or queen, in this case), is so honest and overwhelming that Dora's keepers issue an apology for adding yet another shallow, body-image obsessed tart into the world.

More likely, parents already outfitting their youngsters with Dora sneakers, Dora backpacks and Dora underwear will embrace her Tweenage version. They'll see her as the natural progression for their darling princess as she grows up the RIGHT WAY - the way young ladies must be in our modern, advanced society. You know the profile, right? Ultra-short shorts with SASSY/JUICY/SWEET scripted on their asses. TXT MSGing all night, locked away in their rooms alone. Girls being girls we're sold, er, told.

Well, I call bullshit on that. Women, young or not, need not be beholden to the passing gaze of the opposite gender, the learned self-hatred at the hands of rags like Cosmo, or the hipness of a certain shade of lip gloss. And girls most certainly do not need to spend countless hours of their formative years digitally changing "the look" of a damn doll.

If you're concerned parent of a Dora loving kiddo, sign the petition to Say No to Dora's makeover. Then spend a moment looking at some toys/dolls that are appropriate for a young, imaginative girl - there are plenty of 'em, believe it or not - check this out.